we spent an evening in the hav-a-nap looking through a lens trying to make pretty pictures.
cotton candy coloured sky, man-made haze & tiptoes across a well-worn (& questionable) floor.
gratitude replaced gracelessness as his skill far superseded my awkwardness.
my mom’s vacuum finally stopped working.
my brother said “that sucks”.
she had duct-taped the hose. it was hard to let it go.
it was a dumb vacuum. it barely had an attachment & i was not attached to it but her hands put that duct tape there, so it’s another piece of something she touched that i no longer have.
the new vacuum is shiny with lots of buttons.
it will do the job far better than hers, but a clunky tired vacuum is fine by me.
my heart skipped a beat when i saw him on my dating app.
happy to see his face.
heartsick that he’s looking for love.
i laughed a little that we’re there.
when really, we’re right here.
sometimes i think i have too much love to give.
at the detriment of loving myself.
i hope you slept. i hope you feel rooted.
i hope the sun is shining where you stand.
old man parade:
i stopped the car to let him go.
he was slow like molasses & wearing fancy trousers.
he made it halfway across the street & then he caught my eye.
worrying little about anyone else, he stopped to blow me kisses.
his very own old man parade.
i grabbed those kisses & sent them straight back.
i can’t remember if i was in a hurry or not.
one singing upstairs.
one reading beside me.
it’s quiet on our street today.
sometimes we spy outside but only to be informed.
(& only sometimes to be nosy)
ours is not the same as the rest of the houses.
but it’s cozy.
& it’s comfy.
& it always smells like home.
scrolling through old photos & texts.
what a glorious & dangerous thing to do.
a different time, a different him, my mom. my dad, a life once lived.
but isn’t it transcendent to be transported.
it makes me feel lonely & lovely & my gratitude overrides my despair.
we said those things. we looked that way.
we meant every single word.
how we measure up:
there were couples and ‘regular’ families as far as the eye could see.
i worried that i’d made a bad decision.
(to be clear… no one cared but me).
then crashing waves muted my mind.
sun seared my sticky skin.
eyes blinded by endless blue.
seems there isn’t a problem that can’t be solved by saltwater surf.
i was laying on a lounger when he stood in my sun.
hair white as snow & wrinkly knees that moved like water.
i held my breath as the ball lobbed his way.
he missed the first 2.
but on three came the charm.
he quietly smiled at his own perfect form.
high-fives from teammates 40 years younger.
i sipped the air & silently praised him for joining the game.
grains of sand fall down my legs.
taking up space in cranny, nook & crack.
nothing bothers me about that scratch.
i could walk on sand all day.
everybody and Every Body imaginable on this beach.
we all sneak peeks behind mirrored glasses, wondering how we measure up.
we say hello & learn names we’ll forget.
it’s a wonder we can find ourselves.