poetry.

hav-a-nap:

we spent an evening in the hav-a-nap looking through a lens trying to make pretty pictures.

cotton candy coloured sky, man-made haze & tiptoes across a well-worn (& questionable) floor.

gratitude replaced gracelessness as his skill far superseded my awkwardness.

my mom’s vacuum finally stopped working.

my brother said “that sucks”.

she had duct-taped the hose. it was hard to let it go.

it was a dumb vacuum. it barely had an attachment & i was not attached to it but her hands put that duct tape there, so it’s another piece of something she touched that i no longer have.

the new vacuum is shiny with lots of buttons.

it will do the job far better than hers, but a clunky tired vacuum is fine by me.

my heart skipped a beat when i saw him on my dating app.

happy to see his face.

heartsick that he’s looking for love.

i laughed a little that we’re there.

when really, we’re right here.

sometimes i think i have too much love to give.

at the detriment of loving myself.

i hope you slept. i hope you feel rooted.

i hope the sun is shining where you stand.

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old man parade:

i stopped the car to let him go.

he was slow like molasses & wearing fancy trousers.

he made it halfway across the street & then he caught my eye.

worrying little about anyone else, he stopped to blow me kisses.

his very own old man parade.

i grabbed those kisses & sent them straight back.

i can’t remember if i was in a hurry or not.

one singing upstairs.

one reading beside me.

it’s quiet on our street today.

sometimes we spy outside but only to be informed.

(& only sometimes to be nosy)

ours is not the same as the rest of the houses.

but it’s cozy.

& it’s comfy.

& it always smells like home.

scrolling through old photos & texts.

what a glorious & dangerous thing to do.

a different time, a different him, my mom. my dad, a life once lived.

but isn’t it transcendent to be transported.

back. there.

it makes me feel lonely & lovely & my gratitude overrides my despair.

we said those things. we looked that way.

we meant every single word.

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how we measure up:

there were couples and ‘regular’ families as far as the eye could see.

i worried that i’d made a bad decision.

(to be clear… no one cared but me).

then crashing waves muted my mind.

sun seared my sticky skin.

eyes blinded by endless blue.

seems there isn’t a problem that can’t be solved by saltwater surf.

i was laying on a lounger when he stood in my sun.

hair white as snow & wrinkly knees that moved like water.

i held my breath as the ball lobbed his way.

he missed the first 2.

but on three came the charm.

he quietly smiled at his own perfect form.

high-fives from teammates 40 years younger.

i sipped the air & silently praised him for joining the game.

grains of sand fall down my legs.

taking up space in cranny, nook & crack.

nothing bothers me about that scratch.

i could walk on sand all day.

everybody and Every Body imaginable on this beach.

we all sneak peeks behind mirrored glasses, wondering how we measure up.

we say hello & learn names we’ll forget.

it’s a wonder we can find ourselves.

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