that’s what they said.

conversations with my wee humans…

________________________________________

lola: the problem for people who marry young is then you have to be with them so much longer.

________________________________________

lola: ooh! i just realized that izzie’s in grade 4 so it’s time to have “the talk”. that’s when i had to have it.

(yelling to izzie): IZZ! you’re gonna’ have “the talk” this year!

me: you make it seem like it was awful. i think i did pretty good. i kept it cool…

lola: *face*

me: well it was better than what oma did. she left a book about hamsters on my pillow and never said another word.

lola: awww. hamsters are cute.

izzie (from the other room): i already know stuff.

__________________________________________

lola: is that wine? why is it so clear?

me: it’s gin.

lola: whoa! gin is what old people drink when they play bingo.

___________________________________________

izzie: if i’m a vet, do i also have to be a veterinarian?

me: they’re the same thing.

izzie: no, i mean if i want to be a vet, am i also a veterinarian?

me: well yes. wait. i don’t think i understand the question.

izzie: like if i’m a vet, can i still eat meat?

____________________________________________

me: who were the parent chaperones on the field trip today?

izzie: it was all grandmas.

____________________________________________

lola: i can’t imagine having kids. they’re so much work!

_____________________________________________

me: can you help me find the red wine that has the same label as this white wine?

izzie: i mean i can try. but i’m not really an expert when it comes to wine.

____________________________________________

me: how do you feel this morning?

izzie: toothless.

____________________________________________

izzie: i’ve decided that i’m finally ready to watch ‘thriller’.

____________________________________________

izzie: if i want to be an astronaut, where would i have to go to school? like university or something?

lola: you’d need to go to NASA.

izzie: what’s that?

lola: you should probably pick something else.

_______________________________________________

lola: you’ve had your license plate so long, your sticker probably goes back to the 1900s.

_______________________________________________

me: the recycling needs to go out, whose turn is it?

lola: oh we don’t do weekends.

_______________________________________________

izzie: i think i want to be a doctor… but combine it with pets.

me: um.

lola: you didn’t just invent that job izzie! that’s a vet!

________________________________________________

lola: when you’re old and done working in tv, you should become a driving instructor.

me: oh ya?

lola: well you always have lots of advice for other drivers even when you’re not in the same car as them.

________________________________________________

izzie: how many pieces of cake are you going to have when we go to bed?

________________________________________________

izzie: mama, it’s a weird place to tell santa what you want… at the mall.

_______________________________________________

izzie: wait. THAT’S donald trump?? if i had known that, i would have rolled my eyes.

_______________________________________________

me, explaining leap year: well, it takes the earth 365 and 1/4 days to travel around the sun so every 4 years, we get an extra day to make those 4 quarters.

lola: ugh. what a slowpoke.

_______________________________________________

555am – i wake up to little lips kissing mine…

izzie: i’m not up, i’m just going pee and i needed to kiss you.

_______________________________________________

izzie: (pointing to her stomach) is this a 6 pack?

lola: no, it’s more like a 2 or 3 pack.

izzie: i think it’s a 7 pack.

lola: that’s impossible. packs can’t be an uneven number.

________________________________________________

lola: i wonder how much santa gets paid to be santa claus.

________________________________________________

me: you have to be more careful. you’re very accident prone.

izzie: but i’m also a trooper.

________________________________________________

izzie: i love being the youngest.

lola: why?

izzie: because people always say i’m cute.

lola: you can be cute when you’re old.

izzie: you CAN?!

_______________________________________________

izzie: give me a spelling test.

me: ok. spell school.

izzie: oh that’s so easy. s-k-h-o-o-l.

______________________________________________

lola: wanna’ hear something disgusting?

me: always.

lola: well, considering some of the things i’ve told you, it’s not THAT disgusting.

_______________________________________________

me: that was a great bikeride! good job girls.

lola: do we get a reward?

me: yes, my love & affection.

lola: and…?

________________________________________________

me: oooh! i used to slow-dance to this song.

lola: slow-dancing becomes hugging becomes handholding becomes kissing. gross.

_________________________________________________

lola: mr J and uncle michael seemed to get along…

me: yup, they have lots in common.

lola: ya, biking. i heard them. but there was no gossip so i mostly tuned out.

__________________________________________________

izzie: i’m only going to get one tattoo.

me: is that right? what are you going to get?

izzie: i want stars and hearts and a rainbow and i want it to say QUEEN.

lola: aaaand that’s why 6 year olds can’t get tattooed.

me: well, that’s not really the only reason.

___________________________________________________

me: maybe you want to try volleyball or basketball…?

lola: no thanks. i’m scared of balls. all balls.

____________________________________________________

lola: what’s your biggest fear?

izzie: losing mama. what’s yours?

lola: chickens.

____________________________________________________

lola: mama, what makes me special?

me: well, you’re kind. you try hard. you believe in things.

lola: we could do this for hours.

_____________________________________________________

me: you guys are being really noisy & it’s hard for me to concentrate.

izzie: what did mama say?

lola: apparently we’re driving her crazy.

______________________________________________________

izzie: if georgie peorgie kissed the girls and made them cry, then why would any girl want to be with him?

______________________________________________________

izzie: i almost couldn’t remember something but then i found it in my head.

______________________________________________________

izzie: why do i have to go to school?

me: to learn.

izzie: but you can teach us.

me: i have to go to work.

izzie: ya, and you don’t know that much about bugs.

_______________________________________________________

lola: what is tessa’s dad’s name?

izzie: i don’t really know.

lola: but what did you call him when you talked to him?

izzie: well i didn’t really need him. you only ever need the mom.

________________________________________________________

me: i need some backup around here. who can be my husband? who do we like?

lola: pick me!

________________________________________________________

lola: you have the mama powers.

________________________________________________________

izzie: i want to smell my own breath.

lola: just breathe on the back of your hand & then sniff. that’s what you do before prom.

_________________________________________________________

izzie: mama, i want you to be the president.

_________________________________________________________

izzie: i just want to get one glimpse of santa and then i’ll go to bed.

_________________________________________________________

lola: ok, santa is amazing.

_________________________________________________________

watching the movie ‘big’, tom hanks drops the word a**shole.

lola: oh good. now i know all the swear words.

_________________________________________________________

me to my bff: sorry we’re a bit late…

lola: ya, dj clymaxxx was on the radio & he was blowing mama’s mind.

__________________________________________________________

at the farm…

lola: um mama, does this seem right? a cow & a horse together?

___________________________________________________________

lola: i have a six-pack.

me: a six-pack of what?!

lola: a six-pack of musculars.

____________________________________________________________

izzie: now that the clocks turned back, am i five again?

____________________________________________________________

lola: (singing santa claus is coming to town)… um, i just figured something out. santa is a stalker!

____________________________________________________________

lola: there’s a spider crawling across the floor.

me: can you see i’m still in bed?

lola: ya, you don’t have to get it.

me: then why are you telling me?

lola: i thought you’d want to know.

____________________________________________________________

izzie: how come jackson always plays the dad?

lola: well what else could be be? the dog i guess.

____________________________________________________________

lola: mama, i saw the tooth fairy last night. she was kind of tall, she had long brown hair like you and she left with a sparkle.

____________________________________________________________

izzie: you can meet the sky when you go in an airplane.

____________________________________________________________

me: izzie, if your sister doesn’t want to play with you, find something else to do.

izzie: but i’m just going to annoy her, because i love her.

____________________________________________________________

lola: my teacher asked me how old you are. i told her i didn’t think you’d want me talking about that.

____________________________________________________________

me: what did we do before google?

lola: i know, right? i guess people just had to think.

____________________________________________________________

lola: i’m so tired, i don’t think i can learn today.

____________________________________________________________

izzie: you are an amazing mama because i love you.

____________________________________________________________

izzie: what are the spice girls?

lola: they’re a band from the olden days.

____________________________________________________________

lola: i have one of those camera memories.

me: you mean a photographic memory?

lola: ya, i have that. i forgot what it was called.

_____________________________________________________________

izzie calling me on the pretend phone: so, it’s a snowy day outside. you could come over for a bit. i have wine.

_____________________________________________________________

izzie: mama’s 21.

lola: no, she’s a bit older than that, but she lies about her age.

_____________________________________________________________

izzie clomping up the stairs looking for me: i know she’s up here somewhere…!

_____________________________________________________________

lola: izzie, why are you so obsessed with pee & poo?

izzie: i don’t know… *shrugs*… i just am.

_____________________________________________________________

izzie: lola! did you know that mama married daddy?

lola: yes izzie. i was born to mama and when i came out, i saw this man standing there and that was daddy.

_____________________________________________________________

izzie: what’s in the bag mama?

me: whiskey.

izzie: oooh, i love whiskey.

_____________________________________________________________

lola: why did that guy just yell “hot mom” out his window?*

(*because he’s awesome?)

_____________________________________________________________

izzie: when lola has a birthday tomorrow, how old will i be?

_____________________________________________________________

lola: i looked at my muscles this morning, and man, they were so big!

_____________________________________________________________

izzie: where was i when you were in mama’s tummy?

lola: you were in the sky waiting until it was your turn.

_____________________________________________________________

lola: mama, your kisses smell like wine.

_____________________________________________________________

izzie: mama, who are you in love with?

me: you.

izzie: i’m in love with alvin & the chipmunks.

_____________________________________________________________

izzie sniffing me…

me: what do i smell like?

izzie: peaches… and love.

_____________________________________________________________

lola: i’ve decided that i really want to be a lover of horses. i think i should start with a horse poster and just go from there.

_____________________________________________________________

izzie rubbing my thigh: this is my favourite part because it’s so wiggly.

_____________________________________________________________

lola: what did you even DO before we were born?

_____________________________________________________________

izzie: do you know that spiderman is actually 2 mans? one man who wears a special suit and one man who is peter pan.

_____________________________________________________________

lola: you know how santa watches over us? does he see us when we’re in the bathroom? i sure hope not.

_____________________________________________________________

2 replies »

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s